Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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