somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
