she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
