So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
