Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
