totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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