I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
