sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
