Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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