I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I forget how to act sober
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
