Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
