so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize