I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
