We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
