Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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