This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
