I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
