TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize