being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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