he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When are your genitals available?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
