I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
