Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
