i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
