you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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