This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
