Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
