If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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