I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
