Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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