Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
