That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
