For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dignity is for republicans.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
