At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize