Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
