She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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