There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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