Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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