The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
