But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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