If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
