i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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