his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
