Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
