I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
