I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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