ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish my penis had a tongue
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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