too bad you live with your parents still
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ok first of all what the fuck
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
