im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
