Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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