OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
