I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
