So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
