I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
