you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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