i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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