Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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