Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She needs sedatives and a leash
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
