So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
