Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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