I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please come you make the beer taste better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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