'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish i was in the wii world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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