i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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