Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize