Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
