it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
