The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
