haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm at about main and main street
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
