I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We left the knife in your bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize