watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
