just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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