Just cropdusted the office
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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