Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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