Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
