I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
