happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My cat gives me a boner
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
