I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
