i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
