lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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