As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
