I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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