Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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