Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize