"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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