these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
