Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize