...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
