whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
