dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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