I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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