i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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