Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
