Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
