You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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