if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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