this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
