just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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