last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
