this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
