Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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