he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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