Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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